The Gym is not a place for Couples

You know am right. He is at the gym for the ass

But this is a good thing because the majority of guys at the gym get free viewing and get their body workout in.

The question is, are the ladies there for the muscles or just to put on tight gym gear and keep adding the extra squats that the instructor never asked for?

I have been going to the gym for some time now. Dont get me wrong, I am in my mid-thirties and apparently I lose muscle the older I get. So yep! I have to hit the gym.

The rewards are there:

Aside from the squats they do and the heavy lifting they overdo for some reason. Am there for the secret detective work.

Yes, so that I can snitch and get you these key insights:

1. If you are single, hit the gym
2. If you have self-esteem issues, hit the gym...if you have the stomach for it.
3. If he/she just broke your heart, hit the gym
4. If you caught her/him cheating, hit the gym... you'll thank me later.

But mark my words, if you are dating or in any form of a relationship...please, please hit separate gyms. The gym is not a place to have or bring your better half.

The Gym is not a place for Couples

Save your relations, people.

You know me, short and sweet.

Super Sorry...but am back

Well, I have been away.

It's obvious. But let me bring you up to speed.

I have not dated in the last four years. I have tried, but they never make it past the "let's get to know each other" phase.

I graduated at the top of my class. I am the only person who took a master's in Development Communication with a pass.

And I just decided to quit a job that most communications people would want, but honestly, it was way waaay (not sure if that's a phrase) waaaaaay overdue.

So I'll try to write a bit more... and not date...phew - Kanairo itanimaliza

How do men pee?

How do men pee?

Sorry I had to blog about this because it’s still a puzzle.

During Nyege Nyege we made a bunch of unnecessary pits stops due to the fact that men couldn’t hold their pee.

                      

So the unnecessary stops didn’t favour the opposite sex. Talk about people going back on their equality 2030 SDG manenos.

What made it more Interesting is that the ladies had to make due with the ungodly terrain that were the driver's intentional un-helpfull stops.   

The men looked for roadsides that had no one on the other side. 

This meant they can just yank it out and do what they needed to do… the ladies on the other hand had to you know...

But it’s pretty straight forward that Ladies either stand legs apart or squat… pretty simple math if you ask me…. Either way it’s one or the other.

But the boys has to go ahead and complicate things.

The guys who had their backs turned against the track made me ask questions I can’t ask my kin….some pulled one side of their shorts up and pee came out.

The other one zipped down ( without unbuckling too) and just yanked it out and went about his business.

Another one dropped his pants and had boxers only and the rest was all liquid (from where I was seated.) that could be seen.

Isn’t there a more simple way to pee for guys?

Understanding the science behind such a simple task having super complicated methods of tackling them is still a mystery to me.

But believe it or not when they were done they all did this wiggly move🙀

Am curious.💁💁💁💁💁 

Visa approved? You wish!

Discussions now more than ever is on visa denials. 

As if this is news to anyone. 

It is such a shame that when it finally happens to diplomats and other VVIPs then we need to bring this to the table. But wait, how many people have been denied visas in the past year alone? How many people (in Africa) have tried to attend key Global North discussions on health alone and been denied entrance? And the shocker is how many people have paid for the visa processing fee (upfront like rent) and got the big NO that they paid for?

Well, learn more on my LinkedIn post

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/time-move-africa-discussions-back-lizzie-otaye-smprsk/?trackingId=ryXHCsJ4S0i%2FFsVr4RFjgQ%3D%3D

The g-spot meat that is to die for.

Am one of the gspot- biggest funs.

Have you heard of a gspot that serves everyone? The odour, the size, and the tenderness are out of this world? 

Wait… hold your horses.I know what you think, finally she has come out of the closet… 

Some are thinking… explains why she is without a child and why she is still single. 

So before you crucify me and throw me under the bus or judge me…, or get KOT down my throat, let me explain myself.

Just adjacent to Royal Tulip Canaan Hotel- Hurlingham is a place that serves the best Kenyan dishes. The wet/fry beef with managu is to kill your siblings over ( true story). It is like the cows were asked politely by the farmer if they were ready to be slaughtered and they gladly gave their consent. The ambiance of this place literally gives you an orgasm ( excuse my language). This is an elegant place that is meant to serve everyone. And they are open till late…

And get this, it’s called the gspot juice and parlor… true story.

                    

So how about you take your lover down memory lane… believe me apart from the name he or she will remember the delicacies.

Thank me later

Crazy mother VS Ethiopian flight attendant

 Airports I tell you.

I never thought my life was dun good till I finished a stressful project in Lusaka, ended a fling I had with a guy who …get this …doesn’t answer to anyone.

But screw that…where was I…yeah

Seated at the Addis Airport minding my own business after staring too hard at this god of a man who spoke French…and his gorgeous daughter…I overheard some weird sounds.

You’ve watched Nollywood movies. You know before they say abeg there is always this sound they make. The one that captures everyone's attention. You know it right? Now imagine that sound with a high pitched mom voice (the one my mom makes before she says…”munataka kuniua’)

Photo courtesy  of google.

This lady believe it or not was waving her 5-month-old son back and forth shouting and causing a commotion. Now the airport is more of a …let me find my terminal, sit and mind my MF business... sort of a place.

 So the more we ignored and went our merry way…the louder she got. 

I was thinking to myself tone it down a little. The poor Ethiopian attendant was having the worst day of his career. I could tell cause his vein was popping out and deep inside he was like shut the F up… (just deep down) cause you know ‘the customer is always right.'

Being the Kenyan that I am, I was trying to mind my own business but… the woman in me was like biach, please. Not today.

 I shut my laptop and gave my undivided attention to this woman. How she screamed and made meaningful complete sentences was beyond my comprehension. All I saw was the baby being moved back and forth and finally landing on grandma’s safe arms.

My thoughts were where are child services when you need one. But who am I kidding? If they never showed up during Hitler’s (aka my mom) brutal punishment, they never will show up here.

Anyways, I'll keep you posted on who won.

Man or attendant

Slept with a married man...now am ducked.

I knew I wanted you in me the first time I saw you. Not sure what it was that drew me closer to you.

Maybe the height or the fact… that you woke up and hugged me a bit tight…Or maybe the fact that I intentionally didn’t put on my spectacles so that you’d see me first and I’d get disappointed last.

The minute you said hello and pulled up the chair for me

Made my body yarn for you. I knew I wanted you but didn’t know why. The fact that I was a bit distracted didn’t bother you. You came prepared so just sat next to me and not across.  I could tell that you were looking at me and trying to make the moments last a little longer than they should have.

 

Image from Australian MensHealth

I said 5 minutes and I’d know.

Whether I liked you or not. But boy my blood was boiling and all I wanted was for…. 

You to go. (you know what I mean).💋

But you wanted us to watch a movie… I always do that alone or with the kids. That’s one of my safe heavens and you wanted to fuck it up. But something was a miss… a bit off. But I couldn’t stick to my NO… so you tagged along.

Am

Worried that reality will kick in… cause for now it’s just a fairytale I love. Knowing that you’ve had you’re every first with her… and you denying me mine. Makes me get upset cause I know am wrong. 

Sleeping with one that’s not and will not be mine.  Means, I need to let go and not turn back. I need to stop this yarning for you… cause I’ve had you but why isn’t that enough? 

Maybe it’s the fact that I know

That I’ll have to leave you and go back to being on my own.

And you'll have to go back to them...your own.

Image from Australian MensHealth